When Things Get Stupid
by Decow S Velgrit
Summary: Bella meets a new friend that comes to town that shares the same traits as her even the idiotic ones. Now watch as the 2 not only fall in love but also calls a lot of people to go mad with insanity at their extremely strange ways. Pure Crack, Genderbender


Chapter 1

Why did I even move to Forks?

Oscuro P.O.V

Was my question as I made my way to my new class, getting a whole lot of stares from everyone, including the teachers, & I guess I should get used to it since I have natural lime green hair that is straight on one side and wild on the other, not to mention my orange-red eyes, plus I was really tall.

Anyway, as I made my way over to my class I was stopped by some chick who thought she was the shit since she had pressed her implanted breast up.

"So cutie is ya new here?" she asked and in return I looked at her like she was a crazy I mean do I look like I've been coming here for the past 6 months?

"No I've been here for 2 years, didn't you see me I was just coming back from my car, & I'm just so happen to grab this piece of paper that say, 'First day', in big fucking letters that is might I add is big enough to see. Dumbass." I said whispering the last part to myself as I rudely pushed her aside and head to my class.

When I got there I realized that I was the only one there, confused I looked at the clock only to see that I had 30 minutes before class started so I pulled out my I pod and started to listen to Hot Chelle Rae ft New Boyz –Like it like that

Let's get it on, yeah, y'all can come along

Everybody drinks on me, bought out the bar

Just to feel like I'm a star, now I'm thanking the academy

Missed my ride home, lost my iPhone

I wouldn't have it any other way

If you're with me let me hear you say

I like it like that!

Hey windows down, chillin' with the radio on

I like it like that!

Damn, sun's so hot, make the girls take it all off

I like it like that!

Yeah, one more time, I can never get enough,

Oh, everybody

Sing it right back, I like it like that!

(I like it like that, I like it like that)

Till the break of the dawn, yeah, party on my lawn

Whistle as the girls walk by if the cops roll up (so what?)

Pour the cops a cup cause everybody's here tonight

Call a taxi, pack the back seat

I wouldn't have it any other way

If you're with me let me hear you say

I like it like that!

Hey windows down, chillin' with the radio on

I like it like that!

Damn, sun's so hot, make the girls take it all off

I like it like that!

Yeah, one more time, I can never get enough

Oh, everybody,

Sing it right back, I like it like that!

Oh oh oh oh, like that

Oh oh oh oh, like that

Oh oh oh oh, sing it right back, I like it like that

Oh the homie brought the booze

I like it like that cause the girls playin' beer pong in the back

We havin' fun partying til the break of dawn

Go grab a cup I dunno what people waitin' on

And I'm gonna want a girl that I know I can take home

In the zone, where I think I had lost my phone

You can tell by looking in the party's straight crack

And don't worry 'bout it girls cause I like it like

I'm max faded at my grandma's house

And leave your clothes over there, that's grandma couch

I be filmin' her friends too, yeah I'm back on that

Double D chicks huggin', I got racks on racks

Like, I don't want the luxuries of a superstar

I'm just tryin' to chill with Miley at the hookah bar

You like cartoons? I'll make your heart melt

With the seat back, playin in the back, like

I like it like that!

Hey windows down, chillin' with the radio on

I like it like that!

Damn, sun's so hot, make the girls take it all off

I like it like that!

Yeah, one more time, I can never get enough

Oh, everybody

Sing it right back, I like it like that!

[x2]

Oh oh oh oh like that

Oh oh oh oh like that...

Oh oh oh oh everybody, sing it right back, I like it like that

I like it like that…

At the end of the song a girl with brown wavy hair came in and nearly fall if I hadn't caught her, since she seemed like a nice person I can be friends with,

"Hey, uh are you okay?" I asked as I sat her down were I was sitting.

"Uh, yeah thinks, hey aren't you the new kid?" she asked me in a friendly way. Not wanting to mean to my new BFF I said,

"Yep the one and only," I stroked a pose, "Oscuro S Del'Lobo of the green hair!" I said in a geeky voice as I pushed up my imaginary glasses up on my face, which in turn made her laugh.

"Okay Mr. Lobo of the Green hair, I'm Isabella, but I like to be called Bella of the Swans!" she said in a rock star voice as she did an arm spin while striking a pose of her own.

"Well it's a pleasure to meets ya." I said happily, while she chuckled.

It went on like this for weeks, and I guess on the 5th week she had asked me to come over and hang out, not to mention the fact that her dad Charlie wanted to meet me so here we were driving down to her house listening to

Never Say Never parody by Qbanguy

Oscuro

Runn'in for ever

Oh oh oh

Never ever never ever catch me

See I never thought that I can fit in a tire, [Oh it hurts]

I never thought that I can take a punch,

I never thrown a kick I'm not a fighter,

Until I turned that corner there he was,

& I wanted to turn my back but he grabbed me by my cap,

Then he tuke everything I had,

That's my lunch Money!

(Bella and Oscuro)

Don't get blood on my sweater,

Cause I can fight,

I will run till forever,

Run and hide,

Whenever you knock me down,

I will play dead on the ground,

Stick'em up Stick'em up up up

Please bring me a stretcher…

[End for those that care and yes there was more.]

"Okay that is so going to my favorite songs area," said Bella as we walked up to her door. As I waited for Bella to open the door I could help but feel like I was being watched by multiple personal, but for some reason I felt like it was something good so I lifted it alone.

"Well welcome to the Swan lair, Mr. Green Lobo." She said like a waiter which made me laugh while I said,

"Why think you Miss. Swan of Forks." In a British accent as I did a solute and followed Bella in.

After Bella said that she was about to cook I said that I'll help out which ended out very funny you see it started like this…

(Flashback of epic-ness)

See it was all going well I mean everything was made and settled out perfectly out on the table and we had just finished our food, but then Bella asked me to wash the dishes.

Yes I said it the freaking dishes of freaking doom, well in my case.

Anyway, no one ever told me that if you ever placed dish detergent next to something that is on fire that it too will catch on fire as well. I mean come on it has cold slimy liquid in it I mean COME ON ITS NOT SUPPOSE TO BE FLAMMABLE! NOT TO MENTION THE FACT THAT NO ONE EVEN READS THE WARNING LABELS ON THOSE THINGS!

So unknown to me it was on fire right next to me until Bella came in yelling out,

"Oh my god, the freaking detergent is on fire!"

Looking at it I and screamed out,

"AHH FISH BALLS IN A CAT'S ASS, HOW THE FUCK DID THAT HAPPEN?" As I went to grab it while at the same time as Bella.

As we both fought to make it outside while still holding on to it we which wasn't a good idea since we have no idea on what to do with it.

"What…now?" asked a confused Bella who was now holding the detergent with one hand as she looked around then back at me.

"I have no freaking idea," I said as I looked around then just as I was about to say something else, I was hit with the best idea I have ever had in my life.

"Why don't we just throw it was far as we can and act like this never happened?" I asked Bella as a large grin came on my face as I toke the detergent that was still on fire and was about to throw it until Bella stopped me and said,

"Wait I…uh I want to throw It." She said as she looked at me with pleading eyes, and just like that I sighed in defeat.

After Bella throw it she burst out laughing at…me!

"Hahahahahahha how do you set dish detergent on fire?" she questioned in between laughs.

"W…Well you see… uh well…err oh forget it lets just walk of in slow motion like we're both bad asses." I said and like on queue we both turned around and started to walk off in slow motion, and I must say that we did get kind of far, until we both tripped on thin air.

"Ow-w" we both said with our faces still implanted in the ground, and I can swear up and around that someone in the forest was laughing at us, along with its buddies.

Then I popped back up and asked,

"So ya want to watch, Tyler Perry's a Madea Christmas?"

"HELL YEAH!" SHE SAID

"YYYEEEAAAAHHHHH" I yelled.

"YYYYYYEEEEAAAAAHHHHHH!" we both yelled as we ran to the door while tripping 13 times and running into 26 things.

(End of epic-ness flashback)

So here we are laughing our tails of as Madea diss these people in their own house which in my opinion deserve it since they were being rude.

Anyway we had to pause the movie since someone just knocked on the door, after a hardcore rock, paper, scissor match it was sadly decided that I had to open the door.

And I must say that I was pissed I had to open the door but I was happy when I opened it.

"DDDAAAMMMNNN~ what's ya'll names, sexy fever damn its got to be my birthday." I said as I eye raped the 7 sexy shirtless guys that was standing at the door.

"So uh ever played what happened in the room stays in the room because I say I'll LLLLLOOOVEE~ ta play with ya." I said as I was about to snatch one of them and rape the hell- out of em, that is until the cock-blocker herself came up and said,

"Yeah they ssssoooo want to catch whatever you have Oscuro" said the queen of cock-blocker Bella freaking Swan.

"Oh thinks for destroying my chance of getting laid oh great Swan of cock-blocker of Forks, fuck I'm going to go hump a tree off or just take a very cold shower." I said as I walked out of the door-way while making dirty jesters with my hands at the back at Bella's head but quickly turned around and ran up the stairs when she thrown a plastic cup at me while laughing.

I have a feeling that this wasn't over.

[BELLA P.O.V]

Looking back at the pack as Oscuro ran away, still laughing at I told the pack to come and sit down at the table.

"So who was the guy with the strange hair?" as Jared as he looked at the stairs that Oscuro had just went to.

"Yeah, I wondering the same thing, I mean who ever can set dish detergent on fire without even trying is very hardcore," said Quil as he started to laugh.

"Please tell me you didn't see that." I said pleadingly but much to my embarrassment the whole pack started to laugh.

"Yep, we saw it all, and I must say that I never thought that there was anyone that can be as equally clumsy as you until I saw you guys falling all over the place" said Jacob as he looked at me as I walked over to the sink with an evil expression on my face that didn't go unnoticed to the pack.

"Uh B…Bell what are you doing?" asked Seth shyly as he looked from me to my hand on the facet.

"You know that the shower is connected to the sink in the kitchen." I said as I started to turn on the cold water which will make the water going in the shower really hot and as if on time we heard,

"AHH FISH BALLS WEDGE DEEP IN CREAM SALAD COVERED WITH COW SHIT THAT WAS SWALLOWED BY SOME HOMELESS GUY WITH A BONER THAT'S HOT!" yelled Oscuro from the bathroom which made the pack laugh.

"Fish balls wedge deep in cream salad?" said Paul who was laughing from the floor after he fell from his chair.

"Covered in with cow shit that was swallowed by some homeless guy?" said Embry who to was laughing like a mad man.

"With a boner?" said Sam who was leaning on Jared for support since he too was having troubles on not falling from his set.

"Oh my goodness, I mean really? Really? Really, was that necessary? I mean goodness gracious that hurted like a mother-fucker, fuck man that was so….uh what up?" said Oscuro who came down with nothing but a towel that hung dangerously low and looked very, very sexy.

"Oh, nothing anyway take a set so that we can all get to know each other." I said as I looked a Oscuro who looked like he about to have a nose-bleed with all the shirtless guys in the room, which I can't even blame him.

"So, I'm uh, Oscuro S Del'Lobo, yeah, um… wow hehe." Said Oscuro who was trying not to faint with all the blood that was rushing to his head then he said.

"Ahh screw it, you guys are going to be the death of me one day with ya fine tails walking around with no shirts on" he whispered really low that you can hardly hear it but since the pack had good hearing they heard it all and chuckled at Oscuro's perverted-ness.

"Oh well I'm Jacob, this is Sam, Paul, Jared, Quil, Embry, Leah, & Seth," said Jacob as he pointed at everyone, but then there was this gasp.

Turning around I saw Oscuro Staring at Seth with nothing but love and I'm telling you I saw hearts appear in Oscuro's eyes.

Then in one fluid motion Oscuro jumped up from his set and into the arms of Seth who meted him half-way which I must say was funny as hell.

"Oh your so cute~!" said Oscuro as he hugged Seth which in-turn looked like a rape hug, but since Seth seemed to be enjoying it I doubt that it can be called rape.

"No you're the cute one!" said Seth and I must say that it really started to get weird and awkward when Seth's hand grabbed Oscuro's butt which my I add was a real nice looking one, I mean come on I mean it was so round and well it looked better then a girl's which is like I said a real nice view.

Then in one fluid motion they were engaged in a full blown make-out session, with Oscuro siting on Seth's lap with Oscuro still in nothing but a towel.

It was then that I fell something wet going down my face, touching it I realized that it was blood, then only one thought came to mind as the world blacked out, 'Well yaoi ya just gotten yourself a new fan.

Wait a minute didn't Oscuro tell me he was a girl! WTF

-DAH DAH DAHDAHDAHDADHA DADAH DAHHHH_

Decow: this is a cool story that is just plain out funn


End file.
